The Monster Within

Forgiveness is a complicated concept. I'm not unforgiving, and yet, I'm one to hold a grudge. A lot of things are condemned by my examining eye, but only a few poignant specific "crossed the line" moments nudge me from my usual cool collected patient demeanour to one who is subject to fiery rage and anger. I'm not one to loose my cool, it's the patient side of me that forgives the little misgivings you or someone else may hold. And yet, after a moments pause, a delicate feather on the scales may swing my patience and composed nature skyrocketing down into oblivion. It was the straw that broke the camels back, that causes my burning rage to consume me, a build up of tiny flakes that become the avalanche of my emotions.

Much to the surprise of those unsuspecting, there are wild fiery passionate emotions that burn within my soul, waiting to be tapped and released, but my patience and rationality, combined with paranoia, conceals them deep, hiding them under layers of sand like a forbidden treasure chest of passion.

Rage is a terrible thing, once unleashed it clouds all other judgements, yet the same can be said of lust, desire and pain. Of love. The trade-off for tying up the beast of rage in order to remain composed and rational, is to forbid all strong burning emotions from breathing, suffocating them within.

Sometimes I wonder whether the trade-off is worth it, whether there should be no fear from being true to your emotions, not concealing them with an air of calm complacency. But then I remember anger, and rage. And wonder whether the trade-off is favourable after all.

Thursday, June 30, 2011 | Labels: |

 

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